Friday, November 20, 2009

In a Pit

When I'm in my pit:
My phone doesn't work
I don't want to "tweet"
All I want to do is

Many of you are worried about me...and you don't know why.

Under normal circumstances I would just retreat to my pit and let no one know. But for some reason, this time, I had to open my big mouth and tell you.

Here's what happened...

Things had been going well. I discovered The Daily Plate, bought my Bodybugg, had my metabolism figured out, and ultimately lost a few pounds, breaking my several month plateau. I finally felt like I'd hit my stride. Surely now the weight would melt off like it had done many months ago. I was determined to reach my goal of 100lbs lost by the end of the year. To add to it, I was now counting calories so I KNEW I was eating my 1700 a day. I also had my Bodybugg so I KNEW I was burning 1000 more calories than I ate each day (with Tina, Zumba, and an additional workout every day). Every night I download the data onto my computer and it told me that I was d0ing everything right to lose 2lbs a week.

I was so excited to weigh that first week. I'd been exercising twice a day and had even renewed my passion to reach my goal of running a mile in 10 minutes. I'd never worked so hard in my life! So you can imagine my surprise when the scale told me I'd gained .8lbs! How did I GAIN a pound? I called Tina and she convinced me that we had worked so hard with heavy weights that week. Muscle weighs more than fat. Ok. I believed her.

Besides, I was going on tour with Don Moen. No time to worry about that now. So the tour began and I daily KILLED myself in the gym. I'd never sweated so much in my life (and I can sweat)! Running on the treadmill, running on the beach, using weight machines, push-ups, crunches, squats. And the food? I passed up high-fat fast food and ate salads, lean proteins, fiber bars. I even discovered The Daily Plate app on my ipod touch, still ensuring I was withing my daily caloric intake. My Bodybugg even told me that I burned an average of 300 calories during my 45 minute show. I felt so good by the end of that week that when I looked in the mirror I could actually SEE a difference in my body. Surely I would see not only a 2lbs loss from this week but my body would probably make up for last week by giving me 2 more lbs shed!

I bounced out of bed Tuesday morning ready for Zumba, and ready for the scale. I can't describe the hurt I felt when the dreaded scale told me I had gained .4 more lbs!!! WHAT!?!?! I'M DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT HERE!!!

That's when I told myself that if I'm gonna gain weight I might as well enjoy it. What am I killing myself for?

Muscle weighs more than fat? BALONEY!
Water retension? WHATEVER!
Menstrual cycle? NOWHERE NEAR IT!

Forget Zumba. I went back to bed. Canceled Tina for the rest of the week. And ate!

I'm still very much in my pit. I usually don't tell you guys until I'm out of it. I know that all of my super spiritual brothers and sister out there may have lost respect for me because of a measly 1.2lbs. I think I've lost respect for myself. I'm sorry if I let you down. Sounds stupid, I know. I can't explain my frustration. I'm working so hard and feel like it's all in vain.

I know that I'll be flooded with people quoting me scriptures and maybe even some of my own song lyrics. I know. I can quote them myself. That doesn't change the way I feel right now.

I appreciate all of your concern and messages you sent me via twitter. I told you I would be honest with you. I let you guys in when I'm on top of the world. Might as well let you in when I'm in my pit.

Now I'm heading to my bus to Ewomen in WV. Don't feel like putting on a mask than grins and lies. Think I won't.



  1. Wow Mandissa! I'm so proud of you for being so honest! Seriously, if you just went on a diet, worked out, lost 100 pounds and never had a bad day or broke your diet, I'd worry about you. This honey, makes you real! My suggestion is to give yourself a time limit. Allow yourself to be upset and depressed and stay in the pit for 3 hours, 3 days, or whatever you determine to be the best amount of time. Cry, scream, eat, yell, whatever it takes, but then when your time is up, it's up. Get back on that horse. Get back to working out and eating right. If you don't, you'll just keep slipping further and further. And no, I'm not a super skinny type who never eats. Honestly, I just polished off my second piece of cake tonight. But I know YOU CAN DO THIS! Don't give up!

  2. No words you already know... no assurances that the muscle/ water retention/hormonal thing is 100% correct. You know all that and I so get right now it matters not one bit! What I will say is you are NOT alone and I get it. I have had an ED for 1/2 my life and I so get it. So... feel your feelings, do what you need to do to get out of the put and know there are people who get it and are standing with you!

  3. well, i don't really know what to say, all i know is that i still love you the same, maybe even more, but definitely not less! thank you so, so much for blogging and "opening your big mouth" lol! i have seriously been worried sick about you for the past week, so just to know that you're ok, maybe not great, but ok, makes it a little better! i'm sad that you are in a pit, but in a way i understand... sure it may only be 1.2lbs but this kind of journey is full of frustrations and i guess that 1.2lbs just kindof pushed you over the edge. you, in NO way have let me down and i want you to know that! you're human just like the rest of us. i have not lost any respect for you, in fact i have gained respect for you! and like i said i still love you the same! actually, yea, i definitely love you even more, didn't even know that was possible! lol! i hope you are feeling more yourself (outta the pit) soon! but as for now, i understand and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers! i love you so, so, so, so much (just in case you didn't hear me the first 10 times, haha) and i hope something in this little doo-dad message/ comment thing, brings a smile to your face because that would bring a smile to my face! forever much love disa <333
    p.s. if you need ANYTHING, please know that i am right here!

  4. Good for you! Get mad get angry! At least you are woman enough to recognize that you are human! Ok I was one of the ones quoting your song trying to find the words to make you feel better all I can do is pray for you! We are here for you and when you are ready to climb out of the pit we will still be there for you. For now COME ON PRAYER WARRIORS IT'S OUR TURN TO GIVE BACK TO DISA WHAT SHE HAS DONE FOR US!!!!

  5. Disa... does it seem totally crazy to love a complete stranger? I just want you to know that I love you and am praying for you. My heart is aching knowing that you are hurting. Know that you have so many fans and supporters praying for you and loving you no matter what! Thanks for letting us know what's going on. I agree with others I have so much respect for you that you are brave enough to tell us all when you are down as well as when you are up. You are human. i'm proud of you!

  6. You may not read this. I know how you feel. I have lost 120 pounds and it is hard to get on the scale and have a disappointment. Mandisa, the Lord has used your testimony and music in my life to encourage me more than I could tell you in this puny little box of communication. I would love to tell you my whole story and how God has used your ministry in my life to help me through some of my darkest times...I am praying for you and love you as my sister in Christ.

  7. Psalm 43:11 Why are you cast down, O my soul? and why are you disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

  8. Disa,

    It is terrible to feel such deep despair; I'm so sorry. I've been there, and it is such a dark and desperate place.

    As I feel your struggle, it is obvious to me that this post was written by a woman after God's own heart--a woman with strong and evident faith.

    Every real Christian with a real faith in our very real Jesus, has felt bone crushing despair. Every one of us.

    And the real ones do two things: (1) They are honest about their circumstance, and (2)they run to the One who will hold them tight--defeating the pain that engulfs them. As we feel His strong love, despair is replaced with gratitude, and joy arises to fill our souls. Jesus rescues us every time.

    You have been honest. And because you knew this truth before I wrote it here, you may already be sitting in His lap. If not now, you soon will be--and Joy will arise.

    I have prayed for you and will continue to pray for you. Keep us posted--both on the sorrow while it exists and the joy when it arrives!


    P.S. I am so glad I decided to follow you. I almost didn't. I was not in the mood for another fake, shallow, sacharin sweet,it's all good cause I have faith--kind of blog. Thank you for being a 'real' Christian. :)

  9. May I just say that this totally sucks...I'm so sorry that you are working so hard and yet not seeing the results you want. That stinks! And I'd be ticked too!

    That said, I am only 20 pounds overweight at this point, but I can't even run a mile. I can walk one in 19.47 min. My point being, weight doesn't matter as much as being healthy. (Easy to say, I know.) But honestly, we may not even be here tomorrow....Jesus might come tonight and lead us home--I hope, I hope, I hope. :)

    In my weight-loss group, we don't weigh ourselves, we let our clothes tell us how we're doing. If our clothes are fitting better, and we are feeling better, that's what matters. Sounds to me like you are doing great!

    Don't beat yourself up, just obey...that's all He asks of any of us. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. I was just at WOF last weekend, and it seems to me that every speaker there has been in or is in the middle of a pit're not alone, and you are surrounded by women who can minister to your hurt. LET THEM!

    Love your heart, your music, and your true beauty. Thanks for sharing them all with us.

  10. Thank you for being so honest about your journey. I feel it's what all Christians should do and not just try to medicate. Honestly, I've had so much respect for you and even more now. Everybody falls. No one (but God) is perfect. I've been a Christian my entire life and chat with a Christian friend about a stronghold in my life. Your messages have been inspiring, but I have to say the honesty of this message is refreshing. I can totally understand being stuck in a pit. Luckily we both have a Lifesaver to hold onto. He will pull us through. Just hold on.

  11. So transparent to share Mandisa!! Everyone we lock eyes with has a pit...most keep theirs well hidden. I so value your honesty! I'm praying you have some close friends who will climb down into your pit with you and push/, LOVE you out of it.

  12. Mandisa,
    All I am gonna say is I LOVE YOU and always love you....
    Please give yourself a hug from lil ole Spunky.

  13. "That doesn't change the way I feel right now." I know what you mean. I've been down myself about a couple of things lately, and even though you can hear the Scripture (or the song!) in your brain and even though you're praying "God, help me!" it doesn't stop you from wanting to cry. It's good to cry sometimes! Let it out, and let God capture those tears in a bottle. God loves you and we love you as you are. And while we love to cheerlead you on this weight-loss journey, the weight loss is not the measure of who you are. We love the heart in you. My heart goes out to you (as it did when I saw your Twitter post). I'm praying, dear sister.

  14. Girl I know where you're at! I've been there more times than I'd love to admit. The time that the scale did me wrong, though, was not .4lbs but 4 WHOLE POUNDS!! I stepped on the scale with my trainer and I'd gained..4 pounds in a WEEK?? I told her, "No way..I don't know what's happening but I know I didn't eat over 14,000 calories more than I've burned this week!" So we stepped off and tried again..and the scale stuck with it's story (grr!!). So we just moved on and got busy with my workout..knowing it was a fluke. The next week it evened back out.

    Don't let it wreck you! You have done well and a bump or two (or two thousand!) is bound to come along. Focus on Jesus and the goal instead of the individual potholes in this road of life! Our identity is in Him and not in the numbers on the scale.. if we let the scale determine our existence we are at its mercy. But if we can be consistent even when results are slow in coming, or when the scale seems to slap us in the face after we were so good and well behaved, we will conquer!

    Chin up, girl! Throw out the cookies and go to Zumba!
    Bunches-a-loves!! xo

  15. Mandisa-
    I have most definatley NOT lost respect for you. In fact, I think it is quite the opposite, because you've been so honest and open. I have been worried sick about you, but that doesn't mean I'm upset with you or lost respect. Mandisa you are the reason I am who I am today, you are the reason I turned back to God and learned that I had a food addiction. I thought I was alone in the world until you pulled me out of MY pit. So now I am going to do everything I can to pull you out of yours.

    You cannot give up. You have to continue to fight. You once told me that we all fall but you just have to get right back up again. I know you can pull out of this. Please, look at the bracelet I gave you and remember that I am here with you every step of the way. Let's cross this finish line TOGETHER.

    I love you girl. Praying for you! Megan

  16. love your honesty~ we've all felt this way, more often than we'd all like to admit! God bless your journey...I'm walking it with you sister!

  17. I've never written to you but I follow you on Twitter everyday. Thank you for being so open with where you are. So many of us understand and you are not alone. You are right, you let us in to see the highs, so it's rereshing and real to let us in to see the lows. Regardless of what the scales say, remember you are beautiful and are living a healthy life when you are eating right and exercising. I'm not the best about exercising and eating healthy, mine is a bigger roller coaster than anyone I know. But I have shifted my focus from the scales to how I feel and knowing that when I am living and eating healthy that it is good for my heart, lungs, veins, hair, etc.. I celebrate that I am taking care of and loving my body, God's temple. I try not to focus on the number on the scale, it interferes too much with me living a healthy life and loving the body I am taking care of. God's love is there with you and he is gently caressing you now. If you don't feel it, just wiat, you will.

  18. Hey Disa!

    I was just so glad to see you be so real here with everyone. Ya know, I've often thought over the last weeks about putting a comment on twitter as to why I follow "famous" people, but there just isn't room with only 140 characters. I will share it with you though - THIS (your honesty) is one reason I do it. We (the general public) have a tendency to put people that we consider "famous" or "more Christian" or whatever than we are on a pedestal. We tend to think they are HAPPY, HAPPY all the time and that they have such a great life - when it's not true. They are PEOPLE just like we are - and they hurt and cry and bleed and go through the same things we do.

    Disa, your honesty here just helps remind everyone of that fact. EVERYONE needs prayer and needs people lifting them up to the Father. I mean, geez, Moses even had to have help in keeping his arms lifted up, remember???

    I'm on a weight-loss journey, too but even with that I don't think I can truly relate to how you are feeling. I, myself, have hit a 'slump' where I have NOT been doing the things I know I should be doing. I KNOW God will help me get back on track - He hasn't quit helping me - I've just kinda quit helping myself for a couple months. But even with all that I'm going through, I still don't think I have a clue as to what you are going through and will not pretend to "understand". I feel your situation is far worse than any I would EVER have to deal with because of the simple fact that you ARE in the public eye so much. I am sooooo thankful that I don't have that to worry about. What I DO know, Sis, is that I can continue to lift you up in prayer and have confidence in knowing that because you ARE God's child, He will keep His hand on you and He will be there to help when you are ready to go forward again.

    As for anyone losing their respect for you because of this - then I will be praying for them, too. Because we are ALL sinners and have ALL fallen short of the glory of God. We ALL mess up every day - that is why I'm so happy that I serve a God of GRACE and He is willing to forgive me every day!

    Just know that I, along with countless others, are out here loving you, praying for you and waiting for the day we hear from you that you are out of the pit again!!! WOW!!! I just know that angels will be rejoicing on that day, too!!!

    Also, as someone else already said, I love YOU - not your size or your singing or whatever else - I love YOU because of your Christian heart and the bond that makes us sisters in Christ.

    I hope and pray that as you are reading all these comments from everyone that it will bring a smile to your face and, eventually, help you out of the low place and back on high ground.

    Just remember - we love you no matter what!

    Kathryn Champion
    Atmore, AL (that's waaaaaaaaaaaaay down South) LOL

  19. Hi, I don't know you at all but I hope that you feel better! I am 16 and have been through the whole weight issue. I was working hard, running, pilates, weights, floor stuff and every day a week too! And all fir what felt a lot like nothing (I know you know the feeling:)
    eventually, I just had to listen to what God, the most important aspect in my life. I had been setting my ideal weight on a pedistal, instead of Him. One of the things I realized that he was not pleased with was the Shabbat! (Sundays). God wanted me to devote that day to Him! Not me!
    It took a little getting used to. And I won't sugar-coat it: losing weight is a difficult process and most of the time you will feel very frumpy and all alone in this quest. But I cannot explain the relief of my soul putting God where he deserves. Still today, I am not skinny but I have lost a Lot of weight. But I really do not care, I eat right and exercise for God's glory, not for mine! I am not a slave to my scale and I know that a healthy body is more important than a skinny one. It is a life long commitment. And like all lifelong commitments, it will have it's days that you will be asking why you ever started this in the first place. Just be careful(and you may already be) that God goes where He should and especially taking the Shabbat day aside for a day of rest.
    Anyhoo, I could talk about this forever. I just saw a total mirror of my past self in your post and I just wanted to encourage you!
    God bless you efforts! And may he be glorified in them!

    Grace D.

  20. I know all too well about pits, and the very best way of getting out of them is to make yourself get up and get moving. Even if you overeat, keep that exercise up. I also ended up asking my physician for a mood stabilizer and Prozac has changed my life. Just something to pray about. Love ya girl and don't let all that hard work go to waste....and it will if you stay down too long.

  21. My sweet sister--
    What a great thing you've done to share this time in the pit with all of us. Whew! that was a lot to blow off, but you needed to do it. I am so proud that you didn't keep it all inside and shared with us how you're feeling. That's a BIG step right there! I love you.

    Don't stay there too long. It is worth it to climb out and get back on the cycle of exercise and heathful eating. BTW, I've let my lifestyle change go by the wayside for too long.... I'm not giving up! Neither should you, my friend.

    Remember to rest in Him. Truly, He'll never leave you.

  22. It takes more courage and more strength (than you realize) to come clean and be honest. *hugs* I respect you more because of that. Weight loss can be a nasty beast. I know you understand that. I'm there myself, but I've been in the pit for a lot longer. Kicking myself and beating myself up for this gut of mine. I have other health problems that add to my weight problems, but that doesn't enter my brain when I look at my belly in the mirror. I want you to know though that through it all you continue to inspire me; pit or no pit.

    Take the time you need. We'll all be here when you are able to get back on track. My love and prayers are with you.

  23. Wow Mandisa had I been writing a blog 4 months ago this is exactly what I would have written. I have been and have felt exactly as you do. I have lost 88lbs and had decided 4 months ago that I was going to make it to my goal of 100. Like you I kicked up my workouts to 2x a day 5 days a week. I weighed myself once a week as my official weight and I gained for the 2 weeks that I was trying it out. I was so frustrated and did not understand how in the world could this be happening. I am killing myself and nothing?? Really?? I had been doing bootcamp and cardio on my own for several months and decided I had to change the entire routine. I got a personal trainer and recently started zumba because of your encouragment! I have not lost 1 pd in the last 4 months but I've lost 6 inches of my waist!!!! Do not let the scale have the control over you. That is something that I have had to learn and its not easy. I weigh myself maybe once a month. I measure once a month and that is where I see the real results and now that stupid scale doesn't have the control I do!!!! I hate scales because they are not accurate especially for a women. I have no doubt that you are losing inches start measuring and you will be motivated!! Do not give up you have come so far and the 100 pds will come! You are getting healthy and taking care of the beautiful temple that God has provided you with. It truly is a blessing:-)

  24. Mandisa, how honest and heartfelt. I can really relate to this, as can, I am sure thousands of others! It is a "battle" for a lifetime, for sure. I know, Oprah knows, Queen Latifa knows...just to name a few. :) Listen to me,a 61 year old, who has fought this most of her life. If you are actually healthy, then you have much to be grateful for. You need to look at what you HAVE accomplished so far which is pretty amazing in my book! For heaven's sake, don't look at that #!@#$%!@ scale everyday or surely it will dictate how you will feel about yourself, and that just is not right. You had alot of weight to lose, and it came off quickly at first, then the loss starts to slow up. The plateau can last and last, unfortuneately. For me the plateau has lasted for years... and now, at 61 my metabolism is zilch. Over the years I have had to make a decision about how I felt about myself along the way. Am I going to let this scale ruin my life, or am I going to try to be as healthy as I can be with a conserted effort, despite what the number reads? You have so many beautiful qualities, and so much God given talent. Those who love and admire you only want the best for you, and think you are pretty amazing as you are...don't forget that. Lately, I have come to realize that God sometimes gives us something to deal with to make us the best person we can be to serve Him. Your struggle, in part, makes you someone who many can relate to. People know about your faith in the Lord, and are drawn to you because of that, and the voice he has given you. Please look to the Lord for your strength. Praying for you, Mandisa.

  25. ((hugs))

    Thanks for being honest.

    Love & Prayers. This too shall pass.

  26. I'm sitting here in tears as I read your blog. Not because I feel that you've let anyone down, but more because I can so identify with everything you've said!!! I've lost 60 pounds over the past two years but have recently began regaining some of it! How frustrating that is! I've looked and I believe that some of the meds that I've been prescribed might be the culprit. Again, it's so frustrating to be working so hard just to realize that some of your meds are actually working against you!

    As for you, I, too, commend you for your honesty! I really appreciate it. I'm one of those who's been worried about you. As soon as I received your second tweet on Tuesday, I immediately forwarded them both to my husband and we began praying for you. We've been doing so every day, ever since. We'll continue to do so. I KNOW, without a doubt, that you'll come out of this pit that you're in right now and the victory will be so sweet! I look forward to being able to rejoice with you when you tweet about it!

    Much love & more prayers,

    ~Bethany <3

  27. As so many others have said- THANK YOU.

    We don't rejoice in your failures but we can all join in in support of you through our prayers and encouragement. You've been such an encouragement to so many. Don't ever let Satan convince you that we would be let down by seeing you struggle. The way you have opened yourself up to everyone so that we can see the true you is a wonderful gift that you have given. Even during the times when you don't feel happy or comfortable with who and where you are. We have all been there and a lot of us can completely relate to the struggles you have with your weigh.

    I too am on a journey to lose around 100 pounds. It's not easy. It's not just about food. If it was only food, we could all have this battle licked (pun intended) quickly!

    I'm reading Sheila Walsh's book "Let Go" and it is really changing my perspective on a lot of things in my life. The thing I read today that struck a chord with me was this:
    "You are chosen and loved....You may not feel like a princess most days, but that does not change the truth that you are." (page 148)

    I have to keep reminding myself that I am chosen and loved. I hope you are finding ways to remind yourself of the same thing to help get you out of this pit.

    We will be here with you through it all and hope that you continue to share with us. We are all cheering for you!

  28. I know that pit. I have one myself. So no words to make you "feel better," just a hug. Thank you for laying it bare like that. It helped me feel a whole lot more normal. Praying for you to find the ladder out of that stinking pit.

    Hugs to you sister.

  29. Mandisa,

    I just got finished reading your blog post and I also wanted to mention that I was at the EWomen conference in WV. You gave an outstanding performance, even though you were not feeling well and I want to thank you for being real and honest with us. You are truly a blessing to many people - myself included - and as long as you stay true to yourself and everyone around you, we could never lose respect for you. You'll be in my prayers. :)


  30. Wow. Well, it sounds like when you get into a "pit", you go pretty deep, Disa.

    I'm new here... been following your blog just recently. You've been doing great! (I have weight to lose, too, so I can understand your desire to reach your fitness goals).

    My initial response to you not wanting to hear Scripture is that if God's words of encouragement aren't going to encourage you, I'd be hard pressed to think that mine could.

    But I'll tell ya, Disa, I'll say this... and keep in mind that I've had MANY things in life that have challenged, discouraged, and deeply frustrated me... even to the point of anger.

    The secret to dealing with these types of situations - the ONLY solution there is, is to take your eyes OFF the source of discouragement and ONTO God, who He is, His character, and all He's done for you. Isn't He worth it?

    And Disa, for crying-out-loud... THROW YOUR SCALE AWAY. Either that, or hide it! You're not unlike many other women who focus too much on a stupid number! Who cares how much you weigh? What matters is how you feel, that you're satisfied with how you look, and how healthy you are. Those things can be accomplished independent of a number. Don't think this is good advice? Then imagine how you'd feel RIGHT NOW if you hadn't set foot on that stupid scale! You'd still be encouraged and motivated and continuing to move toward your goal.

    And remember, we can have all sorts of little "enemies", but the Enemy wants to keep you locked in depression and defeat instead of reaching your potential.

    If you're past your "pit" when you read this, then take the advice for next time, OK?

    Oh, and if you're still interested in what GOD has to say (not that He hasn't been talking through me a bit here)... Psalm 42 (NLT).

    Love ya.

  31. You know, I just noticed that you don't have many men speaking into you here, so I hope you don't mind another brother ;)

    Keep your head UP.

  32. Sister, I cannot tell you how blown away I am with your authenticity and your willingness to allow us (me) a glimpse inside. I saw your tweet the other day right after I was having a conversation with my teenage daughter (Sam-16) about how the scale was invented by the devil. It was hilarious though, because if you know my Sammy, she's one drama queen that also happens to be real easy to "get". After I said that, she was like, "Really mom?". I couldn't help but laugh and cry at the same time. Anyway, my heart was crushed with you. I know what it is to battle the "bulge" and how frustrating that can be - hence...this is why I know that the scale was really invented by the devil (that's my story and I'm sticking to it). Not only do I struggle for myself, I struggle for my girls too. Sam is 16 and Gaby is only 11. They both have some pounds to shed (along with mom), and the fact that I've allowed them to get where they are, pains me dearly.

    No, you may not "need" to hear the scriptures quoted or even the strings of your heart spoken back to you (and not because you don't "need" them, but because I believe that we just need to be heard sometimes. And JUST heard. We hurt, want to express that (like talking with one of our girls) and just be heard!

    I hear you sister.........and I am holding your arms up (as are so many)!

    Love you girl and thank you SO very much!

  33. Hey girl - I am praying for you to get OUT OF THE PIT - cause I don't think that's where God wants his girls hangin' out. I heard you in Charleston this weekend for the first time live and you and your band were such a blessing! For the sake of the work of Christ in this world I encourage you to focus on what you are doing that impacts eternity 'cause it's way more important than the 2 lbs. I look at my weight this way - do the right stuff to be healthy and leave the results to God - he even controls the numbers on the scale (actually I threw out the scale, but that's just me). Anyway, just want to tell you that you emanate beauty from the stage and your music is truly powerful.

  34. Thanks for being honest, Mandisa!

    One thing that worked for me several years ago when I was trying to lose weight - I measured myself every week - even when I gained that muscle weight....I could see that I was still losing inches.

    You'll be back on track soon!

  35. Ah! The pit is such a friendly place isn't it? It calls you back like a long lost lover begging for your company. *sigh* the pain of the pit is a false comfort, yet it provides relief-a break- from perseverance....just to eventually remind you of why you don't want to be there. If it wasn't for the pit, I'd never know how much I need Jesus. It provides me the opportunity to face pain that Jesus wants to heal within me. It's a place to get real, then get out of. I curse the pit-though I cherish it.

  36. Just wanted you to know that I GET it!! There is nothing that anybody can say... do... or show that will make it all better... All you need is one thing... one person... that's your Father to come and speak only the words of comfort that will bring your soul and heart hope to carry on.

    Mandisa, there is one thing that keeps coming to my spirit when I pray for you... it's a picture I get in my spirit of a door that is completely shut.. and it's not just shut, it's locked. And I see you trying to open it, jiggling the door knob... knocking on it, and that door is NOT budging!
    But I saw your Abba standing right there with you... His eyes burning with compassion, concern and love unlike any I have seen before. And His words were, "Come away, my love. Come away... let's go from this place. Come away from here."

    No turnin' back, girl!! Praying for you as you continue to press on and choose freedom everyday!

    Hugs from your freedom friend...


  37. Thanks for sharing your struggles. I am in the same boat. I've lost about 65 pounds and have been struggling to get the last 25 or so off.
    Don't give up. Keep fighting.
    You look AMAZING!!!!

    ALVESA :)

  39. If anyone loses respect for you for being honest then they are the ones with the problem! Give me names and I'll take care of them myself...I'm a red head! God wants us to be honest...not just with Him. I respect you for being honest and not telling everyone that everything is fine when it's not. I pray God blesses you for being transparent. You can and will do've already accomplished so much! Don't ever ever give up...we're behind you and He is with you! We love you Disa!!!!

  40. If you were writing a book, you would be applauded for your sharing and honesty. We will applaud your honesty now, just like we would if you were telling it "from the other side." Why? Because 1) we all love you and 2) we know you're gonna get to the other side!

    It's okay to stop and take a breather. Sometimes it actually does more good than harm -- even the mistakes, because they teach you, and you will come out of this "pit" stronger and wiser. Even if it doesn't feel like it now!

  41. Disa...I'm so proud of you. I've experienced the "pit" thing over the past few weeks myself. My scale says I am up 6 pounds. I admit that I have been less than vigilant about my eating - I haven't been keeping my food log at all, and I've indulged in a FEW carbs here and there. But I have been working out SO SO hard! We come to plateaus. We have weeks where we just can't lose. I know for me, the less often I weigh, the better. If I do it once every couple of weeks instead of every day, I am much happier about what I see. And I measure once a month also, which is a HUGE booster because THAT is where I see the changes happening. Slowly but surely. (Conveniently enough, I hit the pit the same day as you, because I set up my Daily Plate account the same day you tweeted about it.) I'm walking with you, even in the, Jesus, and about 1000+ people who love ya!

  42. I am sorry you're in that pit. I'll keep you in my prayers. I know what it's like to feel something and have lots of people tell you to just about snap out of it. It's still hard.
    It did help for me to know Jesus was in the pit with me though, so I'll pray you feel HIm with you.

  43. Have you thought about fasting?- I don't mean starving yourself to lose those extra pounds- but fasting from either food/working out. just to refocus on your relationship with the Lord. Thanks for listening to your fans. :) you are encouraging! even in the pit. :D

  44. Dear Mandisa,

    There is a sister in Christ who has a blog that I think holds the key to overcoming your lifelong battle. It get's to the "root" as she embraces and calls out her "sin of gluttony" and the power of Christ to severe it by "feasting on the superior satisfaction found in Jesus Christ"!

    check it out @
    or google: Caryn Turner Defining Moments

    Much grace to you sister...

  45. You sound A LOT like me. I'm an all or nothing girl. I am a results girl. I LOVE to see good results, and when I don't, I get super discouraged. Been in that pit. Love wallowing in it.... until, I get depressed. And cry. And realize, was it worth it? I'm I truly happy with how I feel now.

    So when you are ready, climb on out... on our ABBA FATHER'S back. . . you will be stronger for it. Don't stay too long, girlfriend. It will be THAT MUCH harder to get to your goal. Keep looking up, even when it's hard.

    LOVE YOU! Check out my 6 month challenge. I'd LOVE for you to join in on the FUN. Yes, I said FUN :-) hehe